Hey guys. This post is a little more personal than most, so if you don’t like personal messages, than don’t read this. But overall the message is something we can all relate and listen to.
Today happens to be a very ‘important’ day. Not important in the way that something grand happened to me, or important because I have a huge audition or anything like that. Today marks the day that my family and I changed forever. Now, this is not something that many people know about me. I don’t actually tell people about this. The only ones who know are close friends and family members, but I think it serves a good place in the message I want to get across.
It just so happens that today, 5 years ago, my oldest brother passed away. I was in 8th grade at the time, my brother was just 24, and I remember the moment so clearly. There was a lot of screaming, crying… It was terrible. I won’t go into details, but to put it simply, my brother was very sick. Not with cancer or AIDS, but very sick nonetheless. However, him passing, was not something I saw coming. There wasn’t a moment in my life previous to that date that made me worry that he would die at such an early age. My mind set was “that could never happen to me”. The problem with that is, someone HAS to be that person. Everyone can’t not be “that person”. So when this happened, I was completely shocked, surprised, in denial…
My brother didn’t live with my family and I. In fact, he lived in a different country. He lived in Canada, my home country. I hadn’t seen him in a long time. He’d bounce from place to place. Sometimes live at my house, then live at a friends or another relative’s.. I think the last time I saw him was in 7th grade.
Basically, I didn’t see my brother a lot, and I didn’t exactly know him too well. He was 10 years older and did his own thing. I remember a couple of times he would mess around with me and bug me and I always was such a brat and would get mad ultimately getting him angry. I rarely said I loved him, the only times I talked to him was when he would call me and asked “how puberty was going” (awkward, yes. but I don’t care). Looking back I wish so much that I would have made an effort to see how he was, see if he was getting better.. Even though everyone says I couldn’t have done anything, I really believe I could have helped him. Made SOME kind of a difference. Maybe he’d still be here?
Looking back, the biggest regret I have and probably will ever have, is that I didn’t tell him I loved him enough. I didn’t take the chances i had to get to know him better. I get mad at myself everytime I think how selfish I was to not even care. All I did was try to block it out of my mind… I basically treated him like a stranger! I beat myself up because of it..
Now, the moral of the story. Tell the people you love that you love them. Once their gone, you won’t have anymore chances. And what’s the harm in taking two seconds out of your day to just say “I love you.” or “I appreciate you so much.” It eats you up inside if you don’t, truly and honestly. Take the time. Whether it’s in person, over a text, over the phone, quickly typing those three words, or writing a three page letter- LET THEM KNOW. Everything else can wait.
Your loved ones are the only things you really have in this life.
I know I haven’t posted anything in a long time.. not consistently, anyways. Once again I am very sorry and I hope you stay with me. Over the course of a couple weeks, it’s been very difficult for me in almost every aspect. College, Money problems, self esteem, friends, ex-friends, family… All of the stuff I’m sure many of you deal with too. It’s been very tough.
But I’m not posting this to create this sob story. That is the last thing I want to do. I’m posting this because over the course of those couple difficult weeks, I’ve slowly been learning more about myself, and some very important lessons. So here I am, just telling you some of the things I’ve found, and hopefully, If and when you read this, you will get something out of it.
1. Life, as you all must know, gets difficult. Things don’t turn out the way we plan. Things go awry, and many times we can’t control it. But we’ve all gone through hard times, and look! You’re still standing! Maybe weakened and hurt. Maybe slouching and convinced you can’t go on, but then you do. We were made to be strong and you’ve proven many times before that you can be. You can get through anything. Even situations you never thought you could.
2. Love comes in different shapes, sizes, times, types, and under different circumstances. You could end up loving someone you never imagined you would, or fall without even knowing it. The funny thing with love is that its unpredictable. You never know how long it will last, or what will become of it. The thing I learned is you just have to let it be. Let it come and go as it should. Don’t feel wronged by love, feel lucky it was with you.
3. Something that few people know about me is the stuggle I have with myself. Everyone has struggles with themselves. Some conquer those struggles, and some still fight with them. I have been fighting for some time now and from time to time I feel like giving up. But within that feeling to give up, I’ve found strength. I’m not ready to give up. I can’t. I want to love myself! I need to. With this I urge you, PLEASE never give up. Love yourself. Love yourself to the ends of the earth when everything goes wrong, and when everything is right. You will always have you.
You are beautiful. You are amazing. I hope everyone sees that.